Much Ado About A Mirage

I was staring at the sanitary towels for a while when Sandra tapped me and said “Babes give me the pad na”. I forced a smile and handed over the sanitary towels to her.

My mom had gone for a meeting early that morning, leaving my siblings, a family friend, Pastor Joshua and I in the house. We had all woken up late that morning. I dragged myself to the kitchen at almost 12pm to make breakfast. I was wearing the pajamas mom had bought me from her last trip. It was a short and a tank top. She would usually tell me to change the shorts when I’m coming downstairs but that day I felt there was no time and everyone in the house was up, I had to get to the kitchen quickly, besides mom had gone out.

I was rushing to make the food which was yam and egg sauce as my mom had instructed. The yam was on fire and I was about to take part of the frozen pepper from the plastic bowl when it fell. I was bending down to pick it when Pastor Joshua walked into the kitchen. He was looking at me and smiling and I smiled back. I did not read any meaning, he is a pastor…

I dished everyone’s food and went up to my room to eat. I was watching a series on my laptop when I heard a knock on my door. I shouted “come in!” Pastor Joshua came in. I was surprised. I thought it was my youngest sister, Jenny. He usually just knocked on my door and passed his message without entering. What could he possibly want in my room? At that time I had already changed my shorts to a long pajama pant. I sat up and removed my earphones and said nothing.

“Emerald!!!” Sandra shouted “What have you been thinking of since?” she asked
“Me, think?” I replied. She knew I was lying and gave me “that look” till I spoke up.
“Sandra, I think I’m pregnant” I said with all the energy I had at that moment. She laughed and laughed, I was just looking at her. She could never understand.
“You? Pregnant??” she finally said after laughing for about five minutes straight. I was quiet because I could not even explain it myself.

Pastor Joshua is like a son to my dad. He had been coming to spend time at our house since like forever. He was a man of God, as far as I could recall. He would never want to touch me, he was too decent for that. “Relax Emerald” I told myself. He moved closer to me. I was still there, unsure of what to do, unsure of what was happening. “He is a pastor” I kept telling myself. He began touching my laps and slowly, moving his hands into my pants. Before I knew it, I had fallen like rain. I felt weak. We began to make out then he threw me on the bed, he helped me take my clothes off and he took his off too.

He was about to go in when I got the strength from nowhere and I pushed him away. He tried to get me back to lay on the bed but I was fast. I got hold of the dansiki on my chair and wore it as fast as I could. I ran outside, just to find out my mom was back. I greeted her but she was looking at me strangely. I was scared, maybe she knew what I had done. I was about to cry when she said “why are you wearing your dansiki inside out?” she laughed and went to her room.

I went back to my room and of course he had left. I locked my door, had my bath and sat on my bed. I prayed so hard for God to forgive me. When I came out of my room, my sister told me he had left, that he told mom he had something to do at his house. Since then I had not been able to put my mind to rest, especially as I had not seen my period in almost two months.

Sandra looked at me and started laughing. In my mind I was damning her. Why was she laughing? This was not a joke.
“Madam Emerald, you’re an eighteen year old, currently in her second year studying medicine and you still don’t know that it is when a male and a female have sex that the female can be pregnant? You fall hand!” She said angrily and hissed. I later remembered that sometimes my period was like that.

I let the fear of one mistake take over my reasoning.